For as long as I live, I will always be grateful for the fact that both the wifey and I were able to spend the first few months of Lauren's life at home. It really has been wonderful to be able to spend the first few months learning how to be parents, without the worry of where the next cheque is going to come from.
Unfortunately, the lotto gods haven't smiled upon us, so Mary has been counting down the days before she had to return to work. Today was that day.
And it was a certified f-ing NIGHTMARE. The little shit-demon apparently now has a philosophical objection to being fed from a bottle, and given that I am (sadly) not equipped with a pair of lactating hooters, she spent all of last night and today voicing her rather STRENUOUS grievances.
I tried f-ing EVERYTHING. Different types of bottles, different teats, formula, breastmilk, bribery, threats, hexes, Jedi mind tricks.
Everything.
Due to her RAMPANT misbehaviour, by the end of the day it had been decided (by ME) that Lauren will NEVER be permitted to borrow one of our cars, her allowance has been cut until she turns 32, and she is now grounded until sometime in the year 2061.
F-it. That'll teach her not to f--k with Daddy when he's sleep-deprived.
Just as I was contemplating firing up the soldering iron in order to burn out my own eardrums, Mary arrived home and whipped a tit out, which (as it ALWAYS does) made everything just a little bit better. I toddled off to bed for a few blissful hours of sleep, while she fed the kid and took care of things for a bit.
And I have a good FIVE years of this in front of me.
Pray for me.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Tales of The Unlikely House-Husband: Day 1
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11 comments:
You have five years of that ahead of you? why don't you try weaning Lauren a little earlier, I reckon you could have her in solid food entirely before she's two, that could save you a lot of trouble. Ha ha ha, you know I'm kidding right? The joys of raising a child... even with the frustrating little shit fights I'm sure its not that bad. If you ever find its getting you down just remember that neither my partner or I have a uterus so when it comes to having kids we're shit out of luck. You lucky sod.
LOL Stories like these are times where I"m happy Lily never took to breast feeding much.
Keep working on it though. She will eventually get used to being bottle fed. Nursing is probably more of a comfort than anything. Watch how your wife holds her while nursing and try that next time you give her a bottle. She will also eventually learn to self soothe. Good luck!!
Your stories are great..
Couple of things to try. The nipple is soft, warm, always at the right temperature and she's used to it. I'd complain too, but here is some things you can try.
Wean her into the bottle, bit by bit, until she'll take both.
Start giving her a dummy to suck on with some honey on it, Then try the bottle, repeat.
And, wear your wife's dressing gown, or something that has her scent on it, when you try to feed. She can smell that you're not dinner and is probably wondering what the fuck you're doing.
Also, make sure the teat is not fresh out of the chemical cleaning solution. Put heaps of milk on it first. She probably doesn't like the taste of Miltons sterilising stuff.
Good luck!
Ms Smack has some good ideas too. The only thing is be careful with how much honey you give her. Honey contains small amounts of botchulism (I didn't spell that right) that isn't bad for adults but can be harmful to infants under a year. Also it's one thing that can be a common allergy in children so they say try to hold off on it until after 12 months. Which is completely annoying if you're like me and use honey as a natural healing agent for sore throats and stuff.
When she does get over it's my cure all for coughs and sore throats and stuff. It's natural bacteria it has kills most germs caused during colds, and sore throats. It's also the best cough syrup I've found.
Mutant-
Yeah, sure- the bottle thing will only last for a few weeks, but that's only the beginning. I have manyt more shades of hell ahead of me,
Heh. Actually, I'm far less frustrated after a few solid hours of sleep. The world's all good now.
Suvvygirl-
A few months ago, she was fine feeding from the bottle. Over the last few weeks, though, she's just arked up for some reason.
We're going to try to start her on solids soon, apparently. hopefully that helps.
Ms Smack-
All good advice. I'd think about wearing some of Mary's clothes, but she's not too keen. Somewthing about "not opening THAT can of worms"...
HAW!
Take away her driving privellages too! What a little wench! hehe.. You'll be right Andy. After a few days you'll be loving it.
Eh- it'll be fine once the two of us get into something of a routine.
The kid just doesn't take to change very well, that's for sure...
Good God, she's going to breastfeed for five years? Surely I read that wrong!
I couldn't stop from leaking at work so we switched the babes to formula.
Heh. Yeah, you can blame my poor phrasing on a severe lack of sleep.
I meant that I would be at home with her full time for the next five years. Not that she'd be breastfeeding for five years.
A five-year-old that is still breastfeeding is a kid with some messed up parents.
I know. I was just bustin' your chops. hehehe
I would like to say it gets easier, but it don't. Just wait till tey start school and you have to deal with the rest of the mums. Have just started my own house husband blog http://goonerjamie.blogspot.com/
Good luck
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