Misquoting The Misquoter

F-it. The guy's that f-ing retarded that he misquotes HIMSELF, so there's no reason why I shouldn't.

With his presidency (thankfully) in its death throes, Ol G-Dub decided to regale the Washington media corps with one last indication that he has gone completely f-ing MENTAL.

You know, if he had even the SLIGHTEST grip on reality, he'd be using these last few days to personally telephone each and every citizen of the known UNIVERSE with a heartfelt apology. Instead, he took another huff from the hookah and assured the media that he had actually done a SWELL job. I thought I'd share some of the highlights of his last news conference.

On the duration of his presidency:

"Six Years?"

On his gratitude for Karl Rove:

"Mostly I'm interested in saying thank you for the job."

On his father's homo-erotic desire to see Saddam Hussein paraded around in his Y-fronts:

"He felt like it needed to happen on my watch."

On self-awareness:

"I'm George."

On his party's record of embracing the "melting pot":

"Well, Republicans don't like immigrants. Now, that may be fair or unfair, but that's the image that came out."

On what he says to the guy in the mirror in the morning:

"What have you been doing since 2000?"

On performing for Hispanic rent-boys named "Jake":

"Well, first of all, hard things don't happen overnight, Jake."

On the effect of his presidency on the future of his country:

"Now the question is, in the long-run, will this democracy survive?"

On whether he's had trouble finding any reliable coke dealers in Washington:

"Sure. You know any?"

On making up his own opinion polls:

"I view those who get angry and yell and say bad things – you know, all that kind of stuff, as just a very few people in the country."

On those whiny pussies who bitch about losing their homes to foreclosure and their retirement plans to Bush's Wall Street pals:

"I don't know why they get angry. I don't know why they get hostile."

On deluding himself about how his presidency will be remembered:

"It's not the first time, however, in history that people have expressed themselves in sometimes undignified ways. I've been reading, you know, a lot about Abraham Lincoln during my presidency and there's some pretty harsh discord when it came to the 16th president, just like there's been harsh discord for the 43rd president."

You can check out the full transcript of the press conference here, but I got most of the fun bits.