Sooner or later, it had to come to this.
Now, I realise that I might offend some of you with this statement, but I would hereby like to propose the criminalisation of stupid baby names. I suggest that the prescribed penalty be something along the lines of a small fine, a sharp smack in the mouth and possibly a compulsary desexing.
Trust me on this: Nothing... NOTHING... pisses me off more than idiotic baby names. As far as I'm concerned, it's a f-ing stain on our society.
What it all boils down to, of course, is a whole stack of attention-seeking parents. These f-ing nimrods are under the impression that they will overcome their entirely unspectacular lives by burdening their progeny with names more suited to prostitutes and strippers.
I hate to break it to you, but, upon hearing your kiddie's name for the first time, when people gasp and tell you how "original and beautiful" the name is, they're just being polite. Like me, they ALSO think that you're a pathetic berk, and that you should be locked up for child abuse.
They're just too nice to tell you to your face. I'm f-ing NOT.
Only this week, some seppo wanker made the news because his local bakery refused to bake him a birthday cake with his son's name written on the top.
The name he chose to inflict on the little tyke? Adolf Hitler Campbell.
F-ing nutsack...
You know the worst thing about this silliness? I have a young daughter who is likely going to be going to school with the offspring of these c-suckers. It is highly conceivable, therefore, that my daughter is going to make friends with these kids, and bring them home to play.
And then I'M going to have to deal with this shit.
I've already decided what my response will be, by the way. Should Lauren bring home a kid with one of these dopey names, I will immediately rechristen them either "Bob" or "Meg".
And I won't give a flying f--k how much the kids whinge about it. I flatly refuse to condone such retardedness by allowing those stupid f-ing names to pass my lips.
That said, there's nothing I love more than a name that, while seemingly innocent and traditional, turns out to be hilariously misjudged.
The other day, for example, I was watching a news report regarding sexual assault. As part of the story, the reporter interviewed a woman who works as a counsellor for a rape victim's assistance shelter.
Her name? "Heidi Bone".
Jah as my witness, there is a sexual assault counsellor in our country named Heidi Bone.
HAW HAW HAW!
Heh. Good times.
Later.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Questionable Nomenclature
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12 comments:
Not only has this idiotic waste of space called his son Adolf Hitler Campell, but he has two daughters: JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, as a trubute SS head Heinrich Himmler. Do you think there might be a little something wrong with this fuckstain? I mean have a look at him, if that head doesn't scream white-trash inbreeder I don't know what does? If only his father had settled for a head-job instead.
Instant rusty-bladed stanley knife castration should be the punishment for this slack jawed son of a bitch, then he has the gall to say he is being treated unfairly, what about the millions of Jews you've just affronted with your kids name you dickwad? I know one thing for certain about the little tyke though, he's going to grow up to be a damn fast runner, he'll need to if he plans to survive high school.
Yeah, the best bit was his assertion that "it's only a name". If you name your kid after the single most reviled figure in modern history, and it's not "only" a name.
It's f-ing child abuse, plain and simple.
That fucktard, well, he'll get whats coming. Unfortunately so will his kid, the poor little shit. But even without a name like that I guess the poor little shit had no chance anyway given his breeding stock.
I know that they're nowhere near as bad as "Adolf Hitler", but my son has friend with some shocking names too, and he doesn't even go to boganland public. Its a private school no less where you'd expect better screening for the price I pay, but anyhooooo. These poor little turds are brothers, with i-shit-you-not, honest to goodness names of Jazz and Ziggy. They have a male cousin named Shar. And a female cousin who youd think was handicapped enough with the name Shanaya, but no, her middle name is....... Dirtbike. Yep, Shanaya DIRTBIKE. Care to guess daddys favourite pasttime?
Seriously. It's fucking ahrd to take the kids OR the parents seriously.
I was in a shop the other day and two whinging little princesses were playing up a storm. Mum spent ages letting the brats get away with assaults, destruction of private property, and disturbing the peace.
Eventually, when mum had finally had enough, she turns round and screams, "Britney, Paris, shut the fuck up".
Chemical castration is the answer.
Fkn oath they should be illegal! Especially when as evil and offensive as that.. Poor kid not only has to be raised by retarded KKK members, but has to cop shit from everyone else his whole life? They should be jailed 4 sheezy.
I agree, and not just names like that, I mean anything not in a traditional baby names book. I mean, if you want to name you kid "Jumping Jackrabbit" he WILL be beaten up at school and possibly become a serial killer. why can't people give their kids normal naes and if a weird nicname comes about, then so be it, at least there'll be a story behind it if anyone asks (other than 'my parents were morons and named me Goose Swann' )
Here a lot of kids have an English name ad an african name. As with african names, meanings are important and the English names tend to be things like 'Gift' 'Magic' 'Prettiness' or so on. I was helped at a gym the other day by a girl called 'Perfect' who happened to be wearing a wig...
And then of course there is always the story of someone I knew who was a teacher, who had to ask one of his students to go by his African name. The reason? His English name was 'Lunchbox' of course!
I saw that in my local paper the other day. Those parents are screwed up. "Nobody else in the world will have that name." the father had said. WEll, duh, There's a damn good reason for that.
The poor child. He's being set up for a lot of failure in his life. What kind of parent does that to their child?
Epskee-
I know what you mean. I reckon that you could go into any classroom in the country and you'd find maybe 50% of the kids with reasonably conventional names. And that number is falling every year.
I shudder to think what that number will be in a few years, when my kid starts school.
BLL-
Britney and f-ing PARIS? Of all the people to name your kids after, they choose a raving nutjob who forgets to pull on underwear, and an untalented HUWAA who's claim to fame is videotaping herself blowing some douchebag.
Why anyone would want to link their kids to those two is beyond me.
What's so wrong about "Andy" for a name, anyway?
Heh.
Luli-
Some of the European countries have it right. They have laws that prevent a parent giving their kids names that would be embarrassing or offensive. Stops this sort of shit dead in its tracks.
Helen-
Damn right. I have no problem with people choosing names from different languages or whatever. It's these idiots who just pick a random collection of syllables for no other reason but to be "original".
Heh. "Lunchbox" is a classic, though.
Sue-
Yeah, you can be pretty sure that the kid isn't going to grow up to be Secretary of Defence or anything. With a name like Adolf Hitler, your future career prospects are somewhat limited.
Oh lordy lordy lordy. There are some crazy folk out there, but to be honest, I think its all rather hilarious, better them then me!!
Just think, if everyone were normal and did normal things and named their kids normal names, we would have nothing to whinge about / laugh about / cry about on and on it goes, because everyone would be doing the same shit.
Im going against the grain here, for comedic value, I give it a full thumbs up! And yes, that child will cop shit for the rest of his life but what doesnt kill you will only make you stronger.
Who is with me??
*crickets*
*waits to feel the wrath of the room*
Heh. Why do I get the feeling that you can be a world-class shitstirrer when you want to be?
Actually, you raise a good point. What doesn't kill him DOES make you stronger. But this guy lives in New Jersey, which (if my geographic memory serves) is right across the river from New York.
And I'm led to believe that the Jewish population of New York is such that Tel Aviv may accurately be called "The LITTLE Apple".
Also, if Eric Bana has taught us ANYTHING, it's that... well, it's that the ancient Greeks spoke in an American accent, while the Trojans sounded something like hair-lipped Brits But that's hardly relevant here...
He ALSO taught us that the Jews are NOT to be f-ed with. Piss them off, and they'll be scraping you off the pavement in NO time.
I THINK I've proven my point. Those poor little f-ers are as dead as hamburgers. It's only a matter of time.
Yup.
Oh dear god! LOL
I just saw a news article where the mum had her 18th kid in USA somewhere.
That guy calling his kid Adolf is a mean old bastard.
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