Machiavellianism

I have arrived at a conclusion. I honestly believe that John McCain is TRYING to lose the election. He's throwing it.

No, REALLY. I'm not kidding here.

Think about it. Before he won the GOP's nomination, he was actually one of the more reasoned, moderate Republicans out there. He was always seen as the bulwark within the party against the rampant neo-conservatism of the Bush/Cheney regime- especially after the way that Rove The Kingmaker THRUST a stiff one up McCain's derrière during the 2000 primaries.

But ever since McCain was tapped as the Republican's sacrificial lamb nominee for this year's poll, McCain seems to have felt the need to push himself far away from the moderate, centre-right territory he knew and loved that he's essentially running as G-Dub Mark II.

Then comes his choice of running mate. Now, I'm the FIRST to admit that as someone who lives halfway around the world I'm not the final authority on US politics, but I find it extraordinarily difficult to believe that, of ALL the different congressmen and state governors arounbd the place, Sarah f-ing Palin is the best person he could have found.

Hell, even if his pollsters insisted that he needed to make a grab at the woman's vote with a testicularly-disadvantaged pick, SURELY he could have found one more capable and less f-ing NUTTY than her.

The woman is a f-ing TRIP. Her political views make G-Dub look like John Lennon, the woman seems completely incapable of thinking on her feet and answering even the most formulaic of questions, and, short of nominating the f-ing Ayatollah, she's about as religiously fanatical as you're ever likely to find.

As a bona fide religious icon and prophet, I can say this with absolute certainty: God doesn't give a flying f--k about oil or our access to it. That goes for wars fought over the stuff, or big f-ing oil pipelines built to deliver it to paying customers. NEITHER of these things comes even CLOSE to qualifying as "God's Work".

Frankly, God has FAR too much on his plate as it is, what with smiting dickheads, banging angels and trying not to lose the will to live while listening to the INANE prayers of you holier-than-thou f-wits to give a rats arse about what we're paying at the pump.

In a political environment where the neo-con movement, after eight years of calamities and f-ups, is pretty much on the nose with the world, it beggars belief that not only would McCain shift his OWN image to fall in line with the desperately unpopular incumbent, but would make such an incredibly stupid pick for his running mate.

But then it struck me- how better to KILL the neo-conservative idea once and for all than to fully adopt it and then destroy it from the inside?

Think about it. John McCain isn't new to this. He knows politics, and has been successful for DECADES. Why then, when he finally wins the party's nomination- a position he has sought for YEARS- would he conduct a campaign SO ineffective, so inconsistent, and so disjointed?

Nope. From start to finish, his campaign has been a shemozzle. He started by shifting his platform to one that is unquestionably unpopular (from one that won him a great deal of respect from BOTH sides of the fence over the years), he's jumped from message to contradiction on an almost DAILY basis, and his pick for VP is a bumble-headed seal f-er who needs a scripted answer to the question, "How are you today, Ms Palin?".

The most telling thing to me is that even though McCain is OBVIOUSLY going to take a f-ing bath come November, he really doesn't look like he cares. It's not like he's seen the disastrous polls, refocused and thrown everything at Obama, he hasn't made some impassioned plea to the public, and he hasn't made some undeliverable (but populist) policy announcement in the hope of scamming a few extra votes.

Instead, he came out and told people that HE'D be a better guy to have his finger on the button, because he once had a target given to him when he was a fighter pilot.

What?

He really just doesn't seem to give a f--k. Sure, he's going through the motions, but if you were creeping up on the age where you're only a 50-50 shot of waking up in the morning and you FINALLY had the chance to achieve your life's ambition, wouldn't you be pulling out all the stops?

I'm convinced. John McCain is throwing himself on the grenade, so to speak, in order to kill off the failed experiment that is US neo-conservatism. His chosen tactic is to become what he must destroy.

There ya go. Maybe I'm full of shit, but something's amiss here.

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There IS an upside to US Presidential election campaigns, though: The sheer ABUNDANCE of political comedy it spawns.

A great example is a blog that I found called "The Freedom Brothers". Take a look for yourself- I guarantee that you won't be able to get through it without laughing your arse off.

At first, I just thought that the site was run by a couple of INSANE gun nuts with a frighteningly loose grip on reality. But when I came to the conclusion that it must be some brilliant political satire, I became a HUGE fan.

At least I HOPE it's satire. Otherwise someone needs to lay off the red cordial...

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The capacity for forgiveness is a wonderful virtue.

This afternoon, I saw a television advertisement for a chain of appliance stores. They were promoting their current discounts on a range of cooktops and stoves. Part of the advertising copy highlighted the fact that their ovens were of the highest quality, as they were made in Germany.

You know, sixty years ago, NOBODY admired the Germans for the efficiency of their ovens. Nobody.

See? Forgiveness.

Warms a fella's heart, it does.

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Here's a bit of completely pointless information for you: long fingernails are an utter pain in the arse whan it comes time to do some mechanical work.

I know. Profound, eh?

I've never had fingernails. Ever since I could remember, I've always been a nail biter, to the point where I've never known the joy of opening a can of beer without first ferreting around for a coin, key or, in a pinch, cigarette lighter..

A month or so ago, I was sitting on the couch, alternatively watching TV and contemplating the intricacies of my navel, when I went to nibble off a sliver of nail. For some reason, I wondered if I'd have the discipline to be able to cast off a lifetime's habit and let my nails grow.

And wouldn't you f-ing know it? A good few weeks in, and my nails are all at a length that they have literally NEVER seen. I'm SO proud.

Of course, after decades of having NO nails, a few things take a bit of getting used to. Even simple (and comforting) movements like scratching one's nuts need to be relearned, lest you wind up giving yourself a DIY vasectomy.

Getting an itch in the ear is similarly dangerous. I gave my ear a good scratch a few weeks ago and aggravated the skin so much that the irritating little f-er got infected.

Ugh. I HATE ear infections. Whatever deity actually designed the human body completely f-ed up when it came time to draw up the human ear. Never mind, though- a few days of ear drops and all's well with the world.

But over the last couple of days, the difference has been most stark.

A couple of years ago, I bought an old four-wheel-drive (a 1989 GQ Nissan Patrol Short Wheelbase), intending to strip it down and rebuild it as a nice little offroad weapon. At the time, I was working as a branch manager for an outlet of a big auto parts company, so I had access to all of the best parts at dirt cheap prices. As I planned to complete most of the work myself, the whole build was going to work out to be a friggin' STEAL.

So I ordered all of the parts that I wanted, and got to work stripping the truck down. I had finished some of the work, but had just taken the interior and most of the engine bay apart, when the condition of my spine started taking a significant turn for the worse. After being forced to pop all manner of pain meds to drag myself through the workday, the last thing I had in mind was to spend my evenings with my head under the bonnet of a car. So the build-up ground to a halt, with the car in bits in the back yard.

Luckily, before I quit my job and no longer qualified for the INSANELY generous staff discounts, I gathered up all of my ordered parts and brought them home. I've spent a little time twirling spanners since I quit, but it has only been recently that my back has got to the point of feeling up to putting in some work.

Now that we're moving (now confirmed for next weekend), I decided to get back on the job, so to speak, and get the truck finished. After a couple of days of work, I FINALLY finished the last remaining task under the bonnet, when I fitted the new cooling system.

I still have an interior to put together, but that shouldn't take me too long. I have to say, the relief I felt when I connected the last radiator hose was incredible.

After two painful years, the car that was to become my pride and joy was pretty much finished. Thank F--K for that.

The upshot of all this is that I've spent a good half hour each night trying to get the grease and crap out from under my f-ing fingernails. I tried a nail brush, a f-ing toothpick, a hairpin, as well as the little hook-thingie that they put on nailclippers (so THAT'S what the f-ing thing's for!), and still it feels like I've got grains of f-ing rice lodged under my fingernails.

Seriously, I just have no IDEA why people would ever bother with fingernails. I mean, opening beers is a noble task and all, but the rest of the time they just get in the f-ing way.

You want to know the very WORST thing about all of this? When I finally get the truck finished, I'm going to have to sell the f-ing thing. Two years it's been sitting in the yard, teasing me with hopes of what one day will be, and when I finally get the thing finished, it'll be some OTHER arsehole enjoying it.

One of the tradeoffs of buying the Subaru was that, with its light offroad ability, I wouldn't need to have a dedicated offroad car, and thus could get rid of the Patrol when I got around to finishing it off. We don't really need two cars, and I can't really justify the expense of registering, insuring and servicing another car when it would only be driven occasionally. You can do these things when you don't have other responsibilities, but when you have kids you have to be a little more pragmatic.

I DID manage to negotiate ONE little concession, though. When I sell the truck, I have advance permission from the Minister of Finances to spend some of the money on a motorbike of some description. So while I may not get to experience the enjoyment of my lovingly built Patrol, I'll be able to tear down a motorbike and fix THAT up.

I'll be JUST like the Teutels. I just need someone to yell at.

(Well, I HAVE someone to yell at, but if I dare get lippy she'll just withhold "marital relations". And NO ONE wants that...)

Even though It'll be someone else enjoying the fruits of my labor, my pride in the finished job won't be dimished one little bit. This'll be the first major project car that I've taken on, and the fact that I've managed to get through it will be a huge buzz for me.

But, to my wife's dismay, it certainly WON'T be the last. She'll just have to get USED to the sight of car (or , in the shorter term, motorcycle) parts strewn through the house.

Heh.

Later.