After having sat around for most of the afternoon, I was itching to get out of the house, if only for a short time.
Now, as ridiculous as it seems, this can be something of a dilemma around these parts. The weather has already started heating up, and with a newborn in tow a trip down to the beach or a park is out of the question. The indoor time-killing destinations in this town begins and ends with one of the two shopping centres, where the highlight of the window shopping experience is f-ing K-mart.
Whoopie f-ing doo.
We ended up settling on a quick trip down to the local DVD rental shop. Lauren was fast asleep at the time, so we tempted fate and gambled on her staying in the land of nod for the half hour or so we would be out.
Of course, while we were moseying around the store, he woke up with a start and screamed like a teenage girl at a Timberlake concert. The wife retired back to the car for an ultimately unsuccessful attempt at breastfeeding, and I zipped around and picked out a few DVDs to burn WATCH.
On the way back, I had to drop by the hardware store to pick up a couple of things, and left the missus in the car to watch the baby. When I returned, Lauren was AGAIN wailing away. I got into the driver's seat, and reached back to stroke her stomach in a futile attempt to comfort her.
The wife piped up. "Heh. Nope, I've already tried that, and it doesn't work".
No problemo. I started the car and reached for the stereo volume knob, giving it a sharp clockwise turn.
"Yeah? Well, have you tried THIS?", I asked with a smirk.
There's a moral to this story, folks: Sure, sometimes you need to work THROUGH the problem- but sometimes there's a certain wisdom in cutting your losses and working AROUND it.
In case you were wondering, I am HAPPY accept any nominations for "Father of the Year" that any of you may want to send my way.
Yeah, yeah. I'm not a TOTAL prick. On the way home, I rocked her to sleep by swerving the car rapidly from side to side. It worked, too- she was asleep by the time we pulled into the driveway.
What some call irresponsible, I call lateral thinking. What can I say? It's a gift...
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Thinking Out of the Box
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6 comments:
See now that is the kind of thinking that is both unorthodox and successful, I reckon you should be right up there for father of the year, especially when you see the limp rested parenting efforts of so many people. I wouldn't be in any hurry to change your methods if I were you!
This technique works with wives too!
Music's meant to sooth babies though isn't it? I mean you were on the right track. You were being creative!
Kezza-
Hey, I agree with you. Millions wouldn't, though.
Stretch-
Heh. Yeah, but a smack in the mouth works MUCH quicker.
HAW! I am SO getting a kick in the cluster for that.
(Just kidding, baby! Love you...)
Luli-
There ya go. That's a story I can use if the FCS people come sniffing around. Good job!
10 hours of screaming? You have my sympathies! I sit in the hot sun for 10 hours every day and I think I'd rather do that than handling a screaming infant! She is cute though- and I love the pulling-hair story!
It truly was an ordeal, Helen. You know a marriage is strong when it can survive ten hours of that shit without the two of us turning on each other.
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