The Milky Goodness

That's Mary, my bewwwwwdiful wife, by the way. Ain't she a cutey?

I guess it's safe to assume that the era of daily posting around these parts is well and truly over. For the time being, at least.

Obviously, I have a little more on my plate at the moment.

This whole "fatherhood" thing is great fun. I've never been one of those people who has been particularly "natural" around kids, but everything seems to be pretty instinctive. Lauren has an amazingly expressive face, and she is not shy about telling you that she has something on her mind. Even the stuff that would previously have turned my stomach (changing crap-filled nappies, fr'instance) really is fun.

Of course, I'm sure the novelty will wear off soon enough.

She's got some strange little quirks. She doesn't whinge or cry if her nappy is full, but she screams bloody murder when you try to change it. She'll be fast asleep and all of a sudden let out an almighty squawk, but by the time I get to the nursery to check on her she is dead to the world again.

Being that I'm a bit of a night owl and that the wife is generally up reasonably early in the morning, things have been working out reasonably well. Still, until today the wife has still had to get up whenever Lauren decided that it was time for a feed.

Hopefully, that will all change. We've decided to treat the wife like a prize Friesian and express enough milk to get us through the night. It goes without saying that the missus is looking forward to the chance of a whole night of unbroken sleep.

The whole process of expressing breast milk is a little daunting. Aside from anything, it is EXTRAORDINARILY difficult to find somewhere that sells little wooden stools that are short enough. And that's to say NOTHING of the dirty looks you get when you take your wife into a farm supplies shop to measure her up for a stall.

Kidding... JUST kidding. Heh.


You know what? I don't even NEED to make shit up for breast pumping to be a little odd. You have this little plastic gizmo that looks like some kind of clear-plastic miniature gramophone, you press it tight up against the tit, and you start pumping the trigger.

Sure, that all sounds fine. But then you decide to sneak a peek. Jesus crap...

The whole thing is clear plastic, so you get to see the torture a nipple is put under by the gob of a famished newborn. The nipple is pulled out a good couple of inches, and it gets sucked down the little pipe. Just when you think that you have a handle on things, the milk starts visibly shooting out of the hooter.

Don't get me wrong- I'm all for breastfeeding and think it's a perfectly natural and entirely acceptable thing. But like many of the OTHER reproductive functions of the female body that I have been lucky enough to see recently, I have never given the mechanics of the deal much thought. Even for an enlightened fella like moi, witnessing such things for the first time CAN be a little confronting.


Still, pumping a tit is still not the weirdest thing I have seen this week. Not by a LONG shot.

Here's a fun fact that you might not know- apparently, the tit isn't the ONLY bit on a chick that can lactate. Care to hazard a guess as to which OTHER part that has such a capability?

Tell the truth here- how many of you knew that the answer to this question is "the armpits"? Lord knows I didn't.

Lactating out of the f-ing armpits. I shit you not...

I'm HONESTLY not kidding here. I know I have a history of making shit up in the search for a few laughs, but this is completely legit. From what I've (RECENTLY) learned, not ALL women have such a gift, but some do. They have certain pores under their arms that are basically unformed nipples, and should the tit get full, it can leak out of them.

F-ing armpit nipples. Seriously, they should f-ing WARN people about about shit like this. It's enough to give a guy friggin' NIGHTMARES.

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I had my very first shift at the vet a couple of days back, and it was every bit as enjoyable as I thought it would be. Obviously, I wasn't going to be doing anything groundbreaking my first time in or anything, but I pottered about and worked out the computer system, helped out when I was needed and otherwise kept myself busy.

The vets that run the place are hugely enthusiatic about what they do and dedicated to their work, but they aren't wound up too tight and act pretty laidback about everything. Pretty much right up my alley then.

I get the feeling I'm going to fit in pretty well there. My biggest apprehension was that I'd find myself working alongside someone who got right on my tits, but everyone seems cool enough and no one seems to worry about protecting their turf.

Plus, I get to go to work around heaps of different animals. How bad can THAT be?

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That whole "let's start another blog for the state election" idea lasted about as long as a fart in a cyclone, didn't it?

Given how keeping this one up to date has been enough of a problem, there was no way that I was going to be able to do anything with that one. So, as of now, it is kaput.

Aside from time constraints, the entire election has been completely uninspiring. We're already halfway through the campaign, and neither major party has done anything to sway me one way or the other.

I have enjoyed seeing how easily the Nationals (led by the hilarious Brendan Gryllthp) have had their dreams of third-party influence dashed. They're still trying on this "we're independent" guff, but the reality is different. I have absolutely no doubt that should the Libs win power (or, more importantly, if we get a hung lower house) we're going to see a resurrection of the age-old Lib/Nat coalition.


For me, there's nothing more amusing that watching a government in panic mode. With the standard of the opposition parties, even a barely competent government would be a dead cert for the win. Unfortunately, calling the Labor government "barely competent" would be rather kind.

I have to admit, though, it IS fun to watch them panic. They apparently underestimated the level of indifference felt by the community towards them, and with the bad polls they've decided to start throwing every populist policy against the wall in the hope that something gets them over the line. Politics is never more entertaining than when it is mixed in with a little desperation.

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I need some advice from you. Particularly those of you who know their way around cameras.

See, years ago I used to be well into photography. I set myself up with an old SLR, and I'd spend hours moseying around looking for photos. But that was a long time ago.

Recently, though, I've started getting back into it. We have a reasonably flash digital compact, and while it takes some pretty good snaps it doesn't have the level of adjustability of my old SLRs. Being that I want to stay in the digital realm, rather than digging out my 35mm SLR and setting that up again, I am thinking about finding myself a decent, entry-level digital SLR.

Back in the day, I used to know the pros and cons of pretty much every SLR on the market. These days, though, I wouldn't have the slightest frigging clue.


Looking around the net has been patently useless, too. Rather than finding some sort of consensus about the better brands, it would appear that every different advice site has wildly different opinions, and I'm at a loss.

So if you have any knowledge on the topic, yer ol' pal needs the good oil. Keep in mind, I want something that is reasonably affordable, but that has a wide selection of available lenses (and decent lenses at that), and is capable of some decent work.

At the moment, I think I've narrowed it down to either Nikon or Canon, but I'm open to suggestions.

Any ideas?

Later.